Have you heard this before from ex-members? I have heard this and wondered why they would be happy. I wondered if this is something that I should think about, but whether I ponder this or not, the fact remains that Mormon’s will face this claim from ex-members at least once in their life.
Happiness is a relative term. Simply look at some people in diverse places in life. A labourer, a white collar worker, an athlete and so on. Asking each of them if they would be happy in the life style of others and if things are going well for them, then the usual answer is “No”. Happiness is therefore a relative term that is applied by personal preferences, desires, ideas and state of mind. Still, this does not fully explain the claim by some ex-members that they are “happier” not being a Mormon.
Having spoken to many Mormons myself, I found some were happy and a few unhappy. That alone seems to say that something other than religion is contributing to their state of mind. What else would contribute to their state of mind since the state of happiness is not standard among members?
Let’s use some “logic” as some detractors claim is a way to determine truth of this Church. When logic is properly applied against the ex-member’s claim they are happier away from this Church, then we must take into serious consideration if their claim is qualified and valid.
Here is that logic.
Happiness in God’s terms is a state of bliss or constant joy within his celestial kingdom where he resides. Now ask the question, ”What man or woman has any idea of what this happiness feels like, if they experienced it or know what it is like to be in that state of being?” The answer is that no man or woman, not even the prophet of this Church knows that kind of happiness. We are promised it, we know it exists and can attain it if we abide in the commandments, etc, but no person can claim they know what it is like. Therefore with this absence of knowledge and experience, what are these ex-members comparing their claim of happiness to, since it is not the happiness that God promised? Are they likely denying the promise God made?
Ahh, now the logic works and we see that the likelyhood they are knowingly denying God’s happiness is “nil”. The answer begins to appear, that what they compared their claim of happiness to, was purely a subjective interpretation that applies only to them. Something they disliked or cannot bear and they chose to walk away from it instead of dealing with it. That is the happiness that a lot of ex-members are really talking about. The happiness of distance or the happiness of avoidance, or the happiness of separation as in “out of sight, out of mind”.
This said to me that it is not the religion or this Church that is the cause. For how can this Church make some happy and others miserable at the same time? Whatever exists in their life contributes to their happiness or unhappiness and being a Mormon may only have a part of it. It is reasonable to believe that a person’s happiness or unhappiness can occur primarily from their membership in the Church, but the “happy” ones are not the subject of this blog article.
The unhappiness of members who blame their misery on this Church are ones that are suspect. When an ex-member claims that he/she is happier out of the Church should be questioned as to why they believe they are happier. One ex-member I know claimed “happiness” is out of the Church and I saw that this members unhappiness within the Church had to do with misfortunes caused by two failed marriages.
If we delve further into someone’s makeup as to why they become unhappy in the Church, I am sure much is found. In the case of the one I personally know as a friend, Mormon beliefs about marriage can be, for some, a cause for discontentment with the Church. Raised with the belief that temple marriage gains exaltation with God in the highest celestial kingdom, then a member becomes dependent on that for most of their life until they are hit with a failing marriage. That can become a source of stress, fear, worry or concern, or with some, a heavy burden. It is reasonable to believe this, we are only human with our tendencies toward worries, concerns and fears, but is this the fault of the Church? – NAY!
These fears, worries and concerns reveal a typical human pattern called “desire for success” (to put it simply) . Place this into the context of a worldly career, in a very competitive company or environment and you will find the same fears, worries and concerns, yea even burdens. What has failure, in this context, done to some? – it has led some to suicide or in more extreme examples, “murder – suicide”. So when people blame the Church for their upsets, or blame our doctrines, it is a ridiculous claim. People need to shake their heads and see things for the truth that they are and see that the same thing or pattern exists in the world.
People leave other churches for the same personal reasons, even of the context or blame is different. IN any place in life, those experiences of frustration, anger, hurt, fear, etc, where thoughts or desires of self-removal exist, then for some, leaving the Church can be a sort of relief valve, believing that if their association or membership is canceled, then all the pressure and all the “responsibilities” toward one thing or another are removed. Hence the euphoria of “happiness”.
Take my friend as an example, the self-removal from Church membership and involvement will not resolve the pain and suffering of two failed marriages. The presence and needs of their children will be a daily reminder. What ever led to the loss of two marriages has nothing to do with the Church. It has to do with any shortcomings that exist in their lives that contributed to the failing of relationships. I do not accuse anyone of fault, I simply state that each person carries with them patterns and beliefs from their own childhood that will either contribute to a good marriage or to a bad one. This applies with anything in life as well, but failure can be good, if properly handled, but failure is also a measure of our shortcomings. Taking drastic measures only serves to undermine a grand opportunity to change and overcome.
Essentially, this has led me to see that God’s principles, laws and commandments within the restored gospel has nothing to do with the discontentment of people. His principles, etc, contribute to happiness and a good life, not a failed one. This is where ex-members fail in their personal assessment of their situation regarding this Church. Each ex-member has failed to see that their choice to leave this Church has to do with what they created within their own life or failed to notice negative aspects of their own life.
To leave the Church because a person chooses not to be with God and prefers the flesh of this world is an honest statement, even though a bad choice. A person who leaves this Church claiming it is wrong and they are happier in the ways of the world is a dishonest statement, even if they believe it is a truth.
The claimed “happiness” by ex-members denotes, for many, the inability to deal with their shortcomings and inability to abide in the commandments of God. I do not say this to spite them, but to speak truth to them. If they claim happiness because they do not want the responsibilities of discipleship with Christ, then that is a honest choice, albeit a bad one, spiritually speaking. Yet, all persons have a free choice to be with God or not to be with him, but do they fully comprehend the consequences of that choice? I would say No, because most do not comprehend exaltation and marriage very well either. It is easier to get angry and resentful and leave than do something to change one’s life.
It is easier to comprehend happiness in the world because it is tangible and present, than it is to comprehend a claim of happiness or unhappiness in the after-life because that is intangible and has not occurred yet. To experience discomfort from affliction at the present causes a difficulty to focus on the happiness that is suppose to generate at a later time. The word “endure” is a very important word in this Church because to live the life of a faithful disciple of Christ is a demanding one. To a born and bred Mormon, life in the Church may be easier than for a convert, but the challenges God bestows on us are, afflicting and tribulation. This is not hard for me to relate to because I also struggle from time to time with the same challenges. For me I find that they are just part of being a disciple of Christ and I know that I must make the effort to endure to the end and that is acting faithfully.
Membership in God’s true Church was never meant to be a social club or resort. God clearly said that his faithful would be tested and this means afflicted. All affliction raises our shortcomings and weaknesses and depending on what it is, can be quite stressful and challenging, but we are told by God to endure, be faithful to the end and we gain his promise of exaltation and along the way receive blessings.
This happiness claimed by ex-members, from what I have seen and learned, is a temporary one focused only to the world and the flesh. It is a selfish choice and nonspiritual. It has nothing to do with God or his word. Their claims have nothing to do with salvation and faith. It has nothing to do with this Church as to whether it is true or not. Their claim of happiness has only to do with their personal life and that is it. There is nothing of spiritual value or worth to their disclaim of this Church.
I hope by writing this that some members read what I have said and see that these claims by ex-members are false claims because those claims pertain to worldly pleasures and not spiritual truths.
It is sad that people choose the world over the Church, but that is what many do. Claims that they are now on a positive path or a good path is a personal claim that is purely subjective and relative only to their life and in accordance to what they are choosing. It has no relevance to whether this Church is true and of God and certainly denotes a lack of God. They chose to reject God, his principles and promises and that is their choice, but for them to use that choice as some frivolously claim that they have found the true path is a lie and clearly denotes that they have been misled, even if they did it to themselves.
IT is my prayer and hopes that they see the truth. Unfortunately, that may likely require some disappointment in their new found happiness, which may happen, or God just may leave them to their own whims as he did with many wicked. For some they will make a turn around, but for some others, they will not return and will eventually find they where fooled when they reach for God at the last minute of mortality to find that he has also withdrawn from them also.
Amen
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